What It Took to Say “Anything” to God

It took me a long time to have a real relationship with Jesus Christ. I was disillusioned by the church and thought I could just be a good person, do what’s right and pray now and then. But it wasn’t enough and I couldn’t do it on my own.

I went through my first divorce in 1989 after which I went into “seeker” mode. I got remarried to a man who introduced me to meditation, and moved from New York to Iowa. Thankfully, God never gave up on me. He kept sending people into my life to coax me back to Him.

In March of 1996, a friend I met after we both became moms invited me to do a Bible study with her. One of the assignments was to write a prayer to God. This is what I wrote:

My Father,
You are the light that illuminates the one Truth my soul is searching for.
You are the bread of life that once I know You, I will hunger never more.
You are bliss that makes my heart jump and my voice sing out gladly.
You are the Source of all creation, all I see is Your gift to me.
And You give me unconditional love that overflows my soul and gives me strength.
It is to You I turn, my God,
For You I’d go to any length.

That was the first time I prayed that I would do anything for God. And in January 1997, my life took a few dramatic turns. My husband announced he was leaving and moving back to New York. I eventually moved back to New York to find work and be in close proximity to my ex. You see, in our divorce settlement, we agreed that our son would live with me for the first 11 years and then live with his father. I wanted to ensure that I’d have continued close contact with my son after he moved in with his dad.

But then came the monkey wrench. My son’s father decided to move to Arkansas. And there was no way I was moving to Arkansas. This time I would have to fight.

My lawyer felt confident I would win. I had family close by, my son had a church, martial arts school and friends that provided stability – and I had people praying for and with me. Arkansas had nothing for my son but his father. The trial was outlandish. When I opened the judge’s decision months later, it was in favor of maintaining the original agreement. Wow! That was the hardest experience I ever had to endure.

As hard as it was, I decided that God would somehow use this situation and turn it around for good. I had come to realize He had done that with every other difficult experience I had been through from childhood. So I kept praying. For three years.

First I prayed that God would force my ex to move back. Then I prayed that my son would move back. After a while, I asked God if my desire to be geographically close to my son was something He wanted for me. I had peace about it. So finally, I prayed for God to show me what He wanted it to look like. It wasn’t long after that, I got the answer. God wanted me to move to Arkansas.

I have to say that the idea of moving to Arkansas seemed to me a lot like when God said to Abraham “Go … to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1) I didn’t have to live in a tent, but Arkansas was not a place I had any desire to visit until my son moved there – and then it was just to make sure he was living in a decent area. I knew no one and I had no idea what jobs would be available. But once I realized this is what God wanted, I began preparations and moved ten months later.

I can honestly tell you, what started out as one of the most devastating experiences of my life has turned into one of the greatest blessings. Since I moved to Arkansas, I’ve been able to support my son through some difficult times in his life. I’ve done some intensive Bible studies and spiritual retreats that have brought me closer to God and a deeper understanding of His Word. I was eventually led to a job where I get to help people live out their faith at work. I oversee the development of workplace Bible studies that help people grow as leaders based on biblical principles. I now volunteer for a women’s prison ministry. And I’m finally happily married to my best friend.

What all of these experiences have taught me is that God’s ways are so much higher than my ways and His plans are so much better. God is a God of second chances – and He doesn’t seem to keep count. When we surrender it all to Him, He makes things happen that we could not have even dreamed were possible, let alone dared to want. It’s uplifting, fulfilling, exciting and mind blowing. Frightening at times, yes. But He’s there to calm our fears each step of the way when we trust Him.

I can honestly say I have a life that I’m so thankful for and would not have been possible if I had not surrendered to God. Don’t get me wrong – I still have plenty of surrendering to do, but I’m excited to see what God is going to do next!